Instead of resorting to this type of silence, try expressing to your partner that you’ve reached your emotional capacity for the time being. If you are in a tense disagreement and feel the urge to stonewall, simply let your partner know that you need some time to consider what’s been said. Explain that you need some time to soak it all in. If they’re reasonable, they’ll understand and allow you to have it. If not, it may be time to look for emotional support elsewhere.
FYI, these rules apply to both of you. No matter who is doing it, stonewalling in a relationship means something is up that needs to be addressed.
You Aren’t Excited To Text Them Back.
It’s true that some people are more responsive texters than others. And although you’re not responsible to anyone for being reachable at all times, a certain level of communication with your partner via text is expected, though it's totally normal if you're not able to keep bantering over text while you're at work, studying in the library, working out, or otherwise occupied. Ahead of those times, you might even shoot off a quick text that says, "Hey, I won’t be able to reply for the next few hours, but I'll respond to your messages when I'm free." Easy enough.
However, if you get an incoming text from your partner and simply have no desire to write back, that type of silence could be more meaningful than a packed schedule — mostly because it signifies a lack of effort on your part. “Relationships take a lot of work on the part of both parties. A key to a successful long-term relationship is that both partners are motivated to put the necessary time and energy into the partnership to keep it going,” Ronald E. Riggio, PhD, professor of psychology at Claremont McKenna College, wrote for Psychology Today. “They look for ways to keep the love flame burning. If one or both partners has stopped trying, that’s a very bad sign.”
That doesn’t necessarily mean you need to change all of your texting habits, but try to take notes of moments when you no longer feel connected to your SO — and, more importantly, the times when you no longer want to feel connected to them. That silence may mean you need to take a step back from the relationship.
Silence is the most misunderstood and misinterpreted type of human interaction, and it often leads to people feeling hurt or rejected. But not all silence is bad. The key in distinguishing between healthy and unhealthy silence in a relationship is communication. Letting your partner know you need some quiet time alone before going AWOL can eliminate the unnecessary stress and confusion that often accompanies silence. When you take the guesswork out of silence, it’s easier for both of you to understand, accept, and even enjoy.
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